NOTE TO READER:
Because of the very personal details included in the letter below, all names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the confidentiality of the parties involved. For the purposes of this article, they will be referred to as Dave and Diana. It is a letter that was written after Dave & Diana had been divorced for about 9 years. A few years earlier Dave had acknowledged how wrong he'd been to have an affair and asked if Diana could forgive him. At the time, Diana was not ready to do that. As time emerged, however, Diana learned that while she could never quite forgive the affair, she could forgive her ex husband for having not been the man she thought and wanted him to be. She also recognized that to forgive would enable her to continue to move forward without the resentment she had continued to carry around with her. As such, she wrote Dave a letter expressing this and more. What follows is Dave's letter back. As noted above the names and any identifying characteristics have been altered but everything else is as it was written. I hope that by sharing this letter it will help to bring some of the same peace that it brought to both Diana and Dave. I extend a special thanks to the man and woman who gave me permission to share this letter. Michele

Dear Diana,
I'm sorry this reply is so long overdue. I guess it took me a while to figure out what to say. First, let me apologize again for the pain that I caused. It is evident from your letter that what caused the deepest pain was breaking the trust that you had in me. I understand haw painful a betrayal of trust can be and there is no justification for it.

I appreciate your forgiveness. You said in your letter that you needed to let go of the anger you had. In the last several years I have learned that anger often holds people back in their lives. I once had a lot of anger but I have learned to let go of much (but not by any means all) of that anger. This has made living my life a hell of a lot easier.

My affair had a lot to do with anger. Although some of that anger may have had to do with you, most of it had to do with my childhood, especially my mother. It was my way of working certain things out. I don't mean to excuse myself here,you're right that there is no excuse, but merely to try to explain.

I am particularly happy that we have managed to have such a good relationship in recent years. I am happy that our daughter is not witnessing two warring parents, but just as important, I am pleased that you and I are at peace with one another for own sake.

Thanks again for the forgiveness. I appreciate the courage you took in writing that letter. I won't make the mistake of closing this letter with Faithfully yours, and instead just close with,

Love,
Dave