An E-mail arrives from my ex-husband. He has sent me a copy of an e-mail he has sent to our 23 yr. old son, telling him how proud he is of him. Nice of him to send that to our son, I think, but why did he send me a copy? My ex and I haven't been in touch for quite a while. Unlike when our son was younger and we were frequently in contact with each other, there's not too much need these days. The emotional ties ended long ago and the financial issues that tied us together for so long ended about a year ago. Yet the e-mail gets me thinking


It's funny as I think about it now. I see my marriage and particularly the divorce, as nothing but a series of stories I tell every so often, my ex-husband as just someone I happened to be married to. Since I work with people going through divorce, I have occasion to tell certain stories about my divorce frequently and surely there are times when I'm reminded of my own divorce. However, except for on a very rare occasion, there are absolutely no emotional attachments to these stories and I forget the reminders in an instant.


And yet, he was my husband, for better, and then worse. While I recognize that the way I feel is as it ought to be, I don't forget that the most joyous moments of my life, our wedding, our son's birth, and our son's Bar Mitzvah, are all connected to this man.


You really do get over the pain, the very agonizing pain and anger of an unwanted divorce. The feelings are put away, hopefully resolved. You walk into a new life with hope and joy, and happiness is there for the taking. Yet, I doubt if anyone with children ever quite forgets the connection of what was once there. While the connection has been severed, many happy memories remain. No different than a death, I suppose, except that when someone dies there's no chance that an e-mail will surface in your in-box one day and bring back some of those memories, those dreams of what might have been.

by Michele Diamond, LICSW