"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". John Lennon

Being a divorced parent isn't easy, whether you're a man or a woman. Moms often complain that they have the kids all of the time and never get a break, while Dad's lament that they don't have enough time with their children.

Recently a divorced father I work with stated, "What's the point of even trying? When I get there to pick up the kids, my ex always starts something and by the time we're out of there we're all in a bad mood. Then it takes a while for the kids to get adjusted to being at my house and by that time, it's practically time to take them back to their Mother's. On the ride home, we're all unhappy again! Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth it." To all of the Dads that have experienced similar frustrations, please know that it is worth it! Kids need their fathers in their lives as much as they need their mothers. The amount of time that you spend together may not be what you have chosen, but do make the most of the time you have. Your relationship with your child will not be determined by the amount of time you spend together, it will be determined by how you use the time together and how you fill in the gaps when you're not. Serge Prengel, author of Still A Dad-The Divorced Father's Journey, and a divorced dad himself, suggests that fathers define themselves "by what we can give, not by what we can't."

The most important thing a father can give a child is his love. It can be given by words and by actions. Divorced Dads can remain connected with their kids when they're not together, by phone calls, emails, cards, pictures, videotapes, etc. Be creative in devising a way to maintain the connection. Think about what your child likes to do and see if there's a way to pursue this even when you're apart. Try playing a game in which you each take turns either by email or snail mail. (Although admittedly, playing a game of chess by snail mail may take a long time!) Or send your kids clippings from newspapers and magazines on subjects that they are interested in. Remember that it really is the thought that counts. Your kids will be reassured that even though you're not physically with them as much as before, you still think about them as much, if not more.

Give your children your values and your wisdom. By not engaging in battles with their Mom and by not making negative comments about her, by standing by your commitments to the kids and if applicable to your ex, you are setting an example of respect, responsibility and successful conflict resolution to your children. Remember, this is the role of a parent, divorced or not.

Giving your children material goods or taking them to their favorite places is great on occasion but not on a regular basis. Your kids need a Dad, not a playmate or party planner. Be there for them emotionally. Really listen to what they are saying. Ask questions about their lives, their friends, their interests and their activities when you're apart. If they have homework to do, make sure they do it and don't be afraid to set limits with your kids. You would do that if you were still married; it's part of being a parent, divorced or married. Setting reasonable limits shows that you care.

Remember, giving is not about material things, it's about sending the message that no matter how much time you literally spend together, your children are loved by you all of the time. Remember the words of a 5-year-old girl when asked how much she misses her Dad when they're not together: "I miss him infinity". Her definition of infinity? "It goes on and on forever and never ends". Show your kids that they are loved 'infinity'.